The other morning I had the weird sensation of thinking I was home again, in my old bed, waking up from a dream. I love my life now, but that sensation did start to bring on the little longing feelings. I miss the smell of home. That dense, warm smell that drops over the world in the evening. It's a mixture of red clay, sun baked grass, yellow poplars and gumball trees, pines and bark mulch. I remember coming home from vacations as a kid, climbing out of our van and taking a deep breath, thinking how sweet it was to be home again. I miss the smell of the fabric softener that mom buys, and the smell of the inside of the house. It's kids, home baked meals, cleaning supplies and Carolina sunshine all blended together.
At night Franks computer sometimes makes funny noises. At first it bugged me but then I realized that when I closed my eyes it sounded like crickets. I had forgotten about the night noises at home, and it dawned on me that I missed them. I don't miss the cicadas so much. When I was younger I used to wish for one moment of silence at night in the summer. Now I have almost complete silence at night. I do miss the crickets and grasshoppers and whatever other little noise-making creatures are out there. How many Springtimes and Autumns did I play outside to that tune? How many nights of camping did I go to sleep hearing the chirp chirp of crickets and frogs? Uffi jokes that I grew up in a jungle (especially because of how loud it gets at night!), and I can imagine how wild NC must seem at first glance to a Finn. (At least we don't have bears and moose and wolves to worry about!). But those tunes are the song of my childhood, and I can't help but feel a bit lonely when I step outside at night here with no friendly bugs to sing and tell me that all is well with the world.
I miss Fireflies! I hope that some day my own kids will be able to run and chase after fireflies some summer night. I hope they stain a shirt or two with firefly guts. Summer has no night here, which is awesome in it's own way, but with no night then you can't delight in the dance of the fireflies. Remember chasing them? One moment they were right in front of you, the next they are high above you blinking as they escaped your dirty little fingers. Remember catching one and being amazed at the bright green glow as they crawled around your hands. Remember trying to make a firefly lamp out of an old soda bottle with a couple of holes?
Sometimes I wish I could go back to one day in my childhood, about ten years old. I would build forts, skin my knees, tramp in the stream again, catch turtles and toads. I would chase fireflies, scratch myself on blackberry brambles in an effort to pick cups full of those bitter sweet wild treats and pretend to be an orphan again (that was probably my favorite 'pretend' game.) I would climb trees and look for four leaf clovers, which I always seemed to be able to find, but can't for the life of me find any more! My auntie Kathy was folding my clothes one time when she was visiting, and all of my pants had grass stains and holes in the knees! She said "You sure know how to play hard!" And it must have been true! I think this is why I love teaching and kids. You get to go back to that same level, and enjoy life through a kids eyes a bit more. Maybe even more so with your own children, which I hope to be blessed with someday :)
