The month ahead

This next month is going to be busy busy busy! I did two blog posts to catch everyone up since we didn't have internet for the last few weeks...

I was approached by franks mom about a month ago and asked if I would like to work with her at her job; a group home for adults with special-needs. One of the employees is on leave for the next month and they needed someone to fill in. I decided it would be a great chance to get experience. I am not sure it is what I would like to be doing in the future. However, you never know if you never try! So I am going to "give it a go". I have spent a couple of days "training" and the first day I was nearly ready to drop the hat... it was so overwhelming, and I felt so inadequate for the job. I have NEVER worked in any sort of health care, only child care, so it was a little scary (it still is a bit, but it is looking a bit less daunting every day.) I still couldn't say if I love the work or not, but I am starting to appreciate it. To know you are making someones day better every single day is a good feeling. The patients range from needing just a bit of help and guidance to those who need you for everything, including wheeling around, feeding and hygiene. My parents have brought us kids to nursing homes our whole lives to visit the elderly and brighten their days. It is an environment that I am a bit familiar with, and not intimidated by, I just have always known that working with the elderly is not the type of work my personality is compatible with. I love children, and I love teaching new things to them. This new work is a bit of a mix between both types of work, and in that I think I can do the job, and perhaps come to like it. So far, though, I still prefer working with children, and hope to find work for after Christmas in childcare/education once again.

On top of working 75% (I think 35 hours a week?) at the group home, I am still working one night a week doing English club (which I totally enjoy!) and cleaning for one of Franks aunts (which I also have come to enjoy, but mostly for the company!) It's going to be a busy month, that's for sure!

Speaking of Friends

I just re-read my last blog post after about a month since I wrote it. I realize that it sounds pretty lonely. I didn't mean to make it sound as though I have no friends here in Finland. On the contrary! I probably have more friends than I can count. It is not friends that I find lacking some days, it is simply a best girl-friend.

You know those days when you are feeling sorry for yourself and you forget to pray to the One who loves us most? That was one of the days. But you know something amazing? He listened to my lonely heart and sent someone to refresh my spirit anyway. He sent me a friend that fit almost every description that I expressed a desire for. As I re-read my blog post, I just couldn't help but smile to myself, and maybe shake my head a little. I should be talking to God about the desires of my heart, and not complaining to the world. 

The week before last, Sari Seppanen from SD stayed at our house before heading back to Sweden. She has been in Scandinavia for a few months, but this was only her second stay in Finland, the first being while her parents were here. I feel so refreshed after her visit. Every day was full of conversation and laughter over many a cup of coffee and slice of pumpkin bread. We both were able to talk as fast as we wanted in our own tongue, using whatever expressions and idioms we wanted without worrying about the language. We stayed up into the wee hours of the morning, and I felt what it was like to get that over-tired hilarity again. Something I hadn't experienced with another friend in such a long time! I was able to be myself to the extent that I could be weird, and share my dumb sense of humor (The one that most of my friends die laughing at in the very same breath that they rolls their eyes and tell me what an idiot I am) and in the next moment be serious and discuss things from the heart. There is something about people laughing at you (in a good way) or with you that makes you feel so appreciated.

Think about it. What do you like about your best friends? Is it that they tell you their troubles, and you tell them yours? or is it because you can laugh together? Same thing about girls looking for a mate... Do you really like guys who just make you laugh? Or do you like the ones who appreciate and laugh at your humor in return?

That's one great thing about my father-in-law. He has made me feel appreciated from the first day I sat and chatted with him, because he laughs a lot. Frank has (jokingly) told me before that he can't understand why his dad laughs at me sometimes because I have such a dumb sense of humor... I blame it on my Matson-Somero mix of blood. It was around that time that I realized how much someone chuckling over something you've said can mean a lot.

just a random photo with a couple of friends

Knowing from Experience

You know that young married girl in church... the young one who just married a local guy. Have you asked her to come over? Have you invited her out shopping, or took a moment after church to just chat?

Sometimes you never know what someone might be going though until you have been in a similar situation. Normally I wouldn't talk about this because I would see it as a weakness. I would fear that someone else would point and say "she is not strong enough, she is lacking in something because she is not happy, she is not trying hard enough" But today I just need to write about it because I have no one else, except my poor husband who has heard it enough time already and can't do anything about it.

Most days I am great. I am happy. I see the world though rosier windowpanes. But some days, I feel like I just can't do it any more. I think everyone goes though those blue days, whether it just be hormones or lack of sleep, or just a down day in life.

Today I want to pack my bags, and fly somewhere, somewhere where I can be with a real true friend. Someone perhaps closer to my age who doesn't care that I speak English... someone who laughs at my dumb jokes... someone who I can be honest with and say "I have no money today, let's go home and eat" without feeling completely humiliated. Even better, someone who I don't have to pretend like I am "not in a shopping mood" while I watch them try all kinds of fun things on for hours and hours, because we are still a young married couple still trying to get on our own two feet and today new clothes isn't int he budget. I want a friend who I can tell them how disappointed I am that I am not pregnant yet, and will not think I am silly even if it has been only 5 months since I got married. Someone I can BE MYSELF with! (Oh, I miss being myself with other people besides those select few such Franks family, and Patrick and Miriam Hagman) But mostly I just want a friend. A friend who's house I can just drop by and walk in without knocking. A friend who will come by anytime she likes... to bake with, laugh with , talk with...

Mom, I know you say, I went out to find a friend, blah blah blah... sometimes there is no one to "be friends" with, because they don't hang out with you because you are married, and they are single. Sometimes you make friends, great ones, but they are married and years older than you with 10 kids and they can no longer relate to you in some things. Sometimes culture is such a huge player that you just don't understand each others mindset. Sometime they just have their own life and they can't see that you really just want to be friends.

I hope, after knowing this loneliness, I can better see when someone else just needs a friend! I hope I can know when to smile, laugh at their jokes, or just listen. I hope I can know how to ask questions that encourages friendship, rather than make them feel like I am just trying to be polite and I don't care!

Tomorrow, I will probably feel better. I will probably not feel so lonely, I will probably look at the world though rosy windowpanes again. But that doesn't been that longing for a female companion won't be there. I don't want anyone to "feel bad" for me, because I am probably doing enough feeling sorry for myself to cover it. But, I know I am not the only one out there... I just want other people to reach out and be a friend with someone who probably needs it!

There... I feel better already :)

Teaching again...

It's great to be teaching again. I got a position one evening a week teaching "English Club" for children who have are attending or have graduated from Kindis (Jacob's Kindergarten). It is a once a week program for these children to practice their English skills. I have free will with these children, and no set lesson plans. The basic idea is just for the children to hear and speak English, which makes it fun for me! It isn't much work-wise, but it is a great thing for me to ease back into the classroom setting. I have the children for an hour and a half, but was just complaining to someone that it is almost too short of time for me to plan lessons, as it is only 45 minutes of actual "teaching", the rest is snack and playtime. Those 45 minutes tend to feel like seconds for me, and makes me want to get back into a whole or half-day setting again!

I did an Apple unit with the children, and we made apple pies at the last English Club. Whew! It wasn't much work on my part, but the children were so excited that I had a hard time getting their attention on anything but pie! The pies turned out delicious though, and the kiddos were SO proud of themselves! Even so, it is such fun when you know the children love to be there.

The most difficult thing about teaching English Club is the age differences. I usually have about 12-15 students, ages 4 to 8... that makes such a difference, not only in their understanding and control of English, but mostly in their attitude and interest toward the lessons! How do you make lessons fit for such an age difference? That question goes around and around in my head while planning. I have to think of things that will get the older ones involved, and the younger ones understanding; songs that are not too childish, yet not too difficult, and games and activities that the older and younger children enjoy alike. We made an "apple pie graph" during one lesson, and I feared that it might be too advanced for the children, but they all really enjoyed it, as they could all get involved one way or another.

The crazy thing about this group is that I have met nearly every single one of these children when they were in Kindi's in 2010. I remember them well, so it was easy to learn names and such, but none of them remember me except the ones who have been there when I have come to visit over the years! I can't believe that was nearly 4 years ago already! Time goes by so quickly...

Kitty, My Cat

I didn't want a cat. I never really liked cats too much. When I thought of owning a cat, all I could picture was hair on all my clothes, and more unwanted, unnecessary responsibility. After all, we already have a dog which consist of all of the above (for me at least). But, regardless of my protests, Frank got "me" eh*hem (him) a cat, and since I had no say in it, the only request I could get him to listen to is that we could only have ONE cat, and that it had to be a boy. We nearly ended up with two cats, as Franks parents at two kittens and they were "best friends" and would be too sad to be apart. The mean wife that I am put her foot down on that one. I was NOT going to have two kittens in my house, which would shed white and black hair everywhere. One it would be, and the boy one please... It was not a boy. Months after we had it I was examining it's backside  (something we forgot to do when we got it) and realized that Tom, was not a tom after all. So "kitty kitty kitty" never got a real girl name, and eventually I decided that it would just be Kitty. I couldn't think of a name that fit it better than Tom!

When I was growing up we had a few cats. They could be friendly once in a while, but mostly they were selfish little beasts who kept to themselves and were good at keeping the mice and bird population down. Franks parents cats were the first personable cats I ever met, but the amount of hair they shed kept me from liking them too much.

When we first got Kitty, I could have drowned it in the toilet. It meowed all night, and eventually we took pity and let it sleep in our bed. Halfway through the night I was woken by a cat batting my ears and licking my face and meowing up a storm. It was not a good start, but by the end of the week we convinced it that there were no monsters in the living room and that it could sleep there. Even so, nearly every morning, the second it hears one of us stir in bed, it is outside our bedroom door mewing and meowing and whining.

I never met such a person-needy cat as Kitty. When I am home it follows me around like a child; always underfoot,  or in my lap. When I bake it sits in a chair next to the table and watches me stir and mix. She's just curious and hardly ever attempts to taste. When I fold laundry she wants to snuggle into my freshly folded piles, or else bats at whatever it is I am folding. When I am at the computer it jumps in my lap over and over and over, no matter how many times I put it down.  If am am outside, she stares out the window meowing to come out. If she is outside for too long, it sits and stares in the window at me meowing to come in! When she is happiest, she purrs and purrs and purrs, and snuggles, and rubs her head in your face. If I lay down, it is snuggling on my stomach or neck or legs, or else just above my head. sometimes she will lay right in front of my face, look in my eyes, and rest both of her paws on my cheek. It's kind of weird, like she is saying "I love you". I never knew a cat that knew how to "love". Dogs can "love", and horses can "love", but cats?? Kitty has chosen me to be her special human. More special that Frank, and even more special than Fia, who spoils her and gives Kitty ham or milk every time she meows. Just don't tell Kitty that I would still give her away most days. Like when she tears up my plants, or meows over and over and over at 5 in the morning. She isn't even a good hunter...yet.

Kitty fawns over house guests, and makes them feel welcome. Maybe a little too welcome... she begs for food from them, climbs in their suitcases while packing or unpacking, and loves to get whatever black item of clothing they just put on covered in white hair. She loves all people. If you come to visit our little house on the hill, I hope you like cats that like you back!

Barely time for Berries

I am supposed to have frozen away liters and liters of berries by now, but it hasn't happened! So much has gone on that has prevented my berry picking and our larder will not be quite full this winter ;) Thankfully we have had a warm August and it has given the blueberries and lingonberries an extended season! When I have the time (like the day before yesterday) I will go out and pick a few liters. I have barely a liter of lingonberries though, so I will probably go out and pick more today. When Laura Conover was here from the US, we took the boat to "Big Isand" (vs. Small Island which is not far from it) and picked Havtornbar (or Sea-Buckthorn berries). They are known as a miracle fruit, chock full of vitamin C and only found naturally growing in northern Europe and parts of Asia. In the US we have buckthorns, but not sea-buckthorns. They are a sunny orange berry that grows in tight clusters on thorny bushes. That means they are a literal pain to pick! Thankfully, because they are so strong, you do not need much! We have about 4 liters in our freezer, which will probably be enough for Frank and I.

Fia taught me how to make Fruit Soup yesterday with Havtornbar. It was a lot easier than I thought it would be! You simply put about a 3/4 cup of whole berries to 3 liters of water (you can use more or less berries depending on the fruit you use. Since we were using Havtornbar, which are quite potent, it requires less berries!) and bring it to boiling point. Before it starts bubbling, pull it off the burner and pour the water and berries through a strainer into a bowl. Mash the berries in the strainer until as much juice is out of them as you can get. Add sugar to taste (and more water if it is too strong). Pour the mixture back into the pot and bring to simmering point again. In a seperate bowl mix 4-8 tablespoons of potato starch with cold water. More starch = thicker soup. (Thick soup is actually called "kräm"... between a soup and a sauce and usually eaten cold) Slowly add potato starch mix to soup, stirring all the while, until it reaches your desired thickness. Do not let soup boil long as it diminishes the vitamins, and can also cause the soup to thin out! When it is done, let it cool a bit and add a sprinkle of whole berries. With Havtornsoppa/sea-buckthorn soup Fia usually puts sea-buckthorn berries, and/or chunks of bananas! With blueberry soup she usually adds some whole blueberries and raspberries. Enjoy this treat warm or cold with cream, over ice cream, or even in porridge!


 Update: I made some on my own using corn starch instead of potato starch. It came out ok, but the cornstarch leaves a hint of a starchy taste that the potato starch does not leave.

I made Frank's family's 'famous' bread all by myself yesterday, and it came out quite edible :) Usually I have Frank lend me a hand when it comes to how sticky the dough should be. It is a quite runny and sticky dough when compared to my mom's "just bread" recipe, and it is made into rolls so it can be a bit tricky! Frank will think I over floured the batch, but they were so sticky I am just glad they look and taste like bread! :D

Wistful for homebits

I confess, I am feeling a bit nostalgic today. Not in a weary, sad way, it's just that I would love to be able to drop by home for a visit! There are little bits of home that I miss. Little sights and sounds. Smells. Little people. Kids grow up SO fast, and in just three months I feel like I have missed SO much with Annika and Lily. Lily went from a baby to a mischievous toddler. Annika is potty training, able to string together more complex sentences, and is imagining she is a ballerina and flitting around the house in princess dresses. Life goes by so fast, and skype doesn't cut it (especially because the connection is too bad to capture much of the life of a 1 and 3 year old who are always on the move!)

The other morning I had the weird sensation of thinking I was home again, in my old bed, waking up from a dream. I love my life now, but that sensation did start to bring on the little longing feelings. I miss the smell of home. That dense, warm smell that drops over the world in the evening. It's a mixture of red clay, sun baked grass, yellow poplars and gumball trees, pines and bark mulch. I remember coming home from vacations as a kid, climbing out of our van and taking a deep breath, thinking how sweet it was to be home again. I miss the smell of the fabric softener that mom buys, and the smell of the inside of the house. It's kids, home baked meals, cleaning supplies and Carolina sunshine all blended together.

At night Franks computer sometimes makes funny noises. At first it bugged me but then I realized that when I closed my eyes it sounded like crickets. I had forgotten about the night noises at home, and it dawned on me that I missed them. I don't miss the cicadas so much. When I was younger I used to wish for one moment of silence at night in the summer. Now I have almost complete silence at night. I do miss the crickets and grasshoppers and whatever other little noise-making creatures are out there. How many Springtimes and Autumns did I play outside to that tune? How many nights of camping did I go to sleep hearing the chirp chirp of crickets and frogs? Uffi jokes that I grew up in a jungle (especially because of how loud it gets at night!), and I can imagine how wild NC must seem at first glance to a Finn. (At least we don't have bears and moose and wolves to worry about!). But those tunes are the song of my childhood, and I can't help but feel a bit lonely when I step outside at night here with no friendly bugs to sing and tell me that all is well with the world.

I miss Fireflies! I hope that some day my own kids will be able to run and chase after fireflies some summer night. I hope they stain a shirt or two with firefly guts. Summer has no night here, which is awesome in it's own way, but with no night then you can't delight in the dance of the fireflies. Remember chasing them? One moment they were right in front of you, the next they are high above you blinking as they escaped your dirty little fingers. Remember catching one and being amazed at the bright green glow as they crawled around your hands. Remember trying to make a firefly lamp out of an old soda bottle with a couple of holes?

Sometimes I wish I could go back to one day in my childhood, about ten years old. I would build forts, skin my knees, tramp in the stream again, catch turtles and toads. I would chase fireflies, scratch myself on blackberry brambles in an effort to pick cups full of those bitter sweet wild treats and pretend to be an orphan again (that was probably my favorite 'pretend' game.) I would climb trees and look for four leaf clovers, which I always seemed to be able to find, but can't for the life of me find any more! My auntie Kathy was folding my clothes one time when she was visiting, and all of my pants had grass stains and holes in the knees! She said "You sure know how to play hard!" And it must have been true! I think this is why I love teaching and kids. You get to go back to that same level, and enjoy life through a kids eyes a bit more. Maybe even more so with your own children, which I hope to be blessed with someday :)