Knowing from Experience

You know that young married girl in church... the young one who just married a local guy. Have you asked her to come over? Have you invited her out shopping, or took a moment after church to just chat?

Sometimes you never know what someone might be going though until you have been in a similar situation. Normally I wouldn't talk about this because I would see it as a weakness. I would fear that someone else would point and say "she is not strong enough, she is lacking in something because she is not happy, she is not trying hard enough" But today I just need to write about it because I have no one else, except my poor husband who has heard it enough time already and can't do anything about it.

Most days I am great. I am happy. I see the world though rosier windowpanes. But some days, I feel like I just can't do it any more. I think everyone goes though those blue days, whether it just be hormones or lack of sleep, or just a down day in life.

Today I want to pack my bags, and fly somewhere, somewhere where I can be with a real true friend. Someone perhaps closer to my age who doesn't care that I speak English... someone who laughs at my dumb jokes... someone who I can be honest with and say "I have no money today, let's go home and eat" without feeling completely humiliated. Even better, someone who I don't have to pretend like I am "not in a shopping mood" while I watch them try all kinds of fun things on for hours and hours, because we are still a young married couple still trying to get on our own two feet and today new clothes isn't int he budget. I want a friend who I can tell them how disappointed I am that I am not pregnant yet, and will not think I am silly even if it has been only 5 months since I got married. Someone I can BE MYSELF with! (Oh, I miss being myself with other people besides those select few such Franks family, and Patrick and Miriam Hagman) But mostly I just want a friend. A friend who's house I can just drop by and walk in without knocking. A friend who will come by anytime she likes... to bake with, laugh with , talk with...

Mom, I know you say, I went out to find a friend, blah blah blah... sometimes there is no one to "be friends" with, because they don't hang out with you because you are married, and they are single. Sometimes you make friends, great ones, but they are married and years older than you with 10 kids and they can no longer relate to you in some things. Sometimes culture is such a huge player that you just don't understand each others mindset. Sometime they just have their own life and they can't see that you really just want to be friends.

I hope, after knowing this loneliness, I can better see when someone else just needs a friend! I hope I can know when to smile, laugh at their jokes, or just listen. I hope I can know how to ask questions that encourages friendship, rather than make them feel like I am just trying to be polite and I don't care!

Tomorrow, I will probably feel better. I will probably not feel so lonely, I will probably look at the world though rosy windowpanes again. But that doesn't been that longing for a female companion won't be there. I don't want anyone to "feel bad" for me, because I am probably doing enough feeling sorry for myself to cover it. But, I know I am not the only one out there... I just want other people to reach out and be a friend with someone who probably needs it!

There... I feel better already :)

Teaching again...

It's great to be teaching again. I got a position one evening a week teaching "English Club" for children who have are attending or have graduated from Kindis (Jacob's Kindergarten). It is a once a week program for these children to practice their English skills. I have free will with these children, and no set lesson plans. The basic idea is just for the children to hear and speak English, which makes it fun for me! It isn't much work-wise, but it is a great thing for me to ease back into the classroom setting. I have the children for an hour and a half, but was just complaining to someone that it is almost too short of time for me to plan lessons, as it is only 45 minutes of actual "teaching", the rest is snack and playtime. Those 45 minutes tend to feel like seconds for me, and makes me want to get back into a whole or half-day setting again!

I did an Apple unit with the children, and we made apple pies at the last English Club. Whew! It wasn't much work on my part, but the children were so excited that I had a hard time getting their attention on anything but pie! The pies turned out delicious though, and the kiddos were SO proud of themselves! Even so, it is such fun when you know the children love to be there.

The most difficult thing about teaching English Club is the age differences. I usually have about 12-15 students, ages 4 to 8... that makes such a difference, not only in their understanding and control of English, but mostly in their attitude and interest toward the lessons! How do you make lessons fit for such an age difference? That question goes around and around in my head while planning. I have to think of things that will get the older ones involved, and the younger ones understanding; songs that are not too childish, yet not too difficult, and games and activities that the older and younger children enjoy alike. We made an "apple pie graph" during one lesson, and I feared that it might be too advanced for the children, but they all really enjoyed it, as they could all get involved one way or another.

The crazy thing about this group is that I have met nearly every single one of these children when they were in Kindi's in 2010. I remember them well, so it was easy to learn names and such, but none of them remember me except the ones who have been there when I have come to visit over the years! I can't believe that was nearly 4 years ago already! Time goes by so quickly...

Kitty, My Cat

I didn't want a cat. I never really liked cats too much. When I thought of owning a cat, all I could picture was hair on all my clothes, and more unwanted, unnecessary responsibility. After all, we already have a dog which consist of all of the above (for me at least). But, regardless of my protests, Frank got "me" eh*hem (him) a cat, and since I had no say in it, the only request I could get him to listen to is that we could only have ONE cat, and that it had to be a boy. We nearly ended up with two cats, as Franks parents at two kittens and they were "best friends" and would be too sad to be apart. The mean wife that I am put her foot down on that one. I was NOT going to have two kittens in my house, which would shed white and black hair everywhere. One it would be, and the boy one please... It was not a boy. Months after we had it I was examining it's backside  (something we forgot to do when we got it) and realized that Tom, was not a tom after all. So "kitty kitty kitty" never got a real girl name, and eventually I decided that it would just be Kitty. I couldn't think of a name that fit it better than Tom!

When I was growing up we had a few cats. They could be friendly once in a while, but mostly they were selfish little beasts who kept to themselves and were good at keeping the mice and bird population down. Franks parents cats were the first personable cats I ever met, but the amount of hair they shed kept me from liking them too much.

When we first got Kitty, I could have drowned it in the toilet. It meowed all night, and eventually we took pity and let it sleep in our bed. Halfway through the night I was woken by a cat batting my ears and licking my face and meowing up a storm. It was not a good start, but by the end of the week we convinced it that there were no monsters in the living room and that it could sleep there. Even so, nearly every morning, the second it hears one of us stir in bed, it is outside our bedroom door mewing and meowing and whining.

I never met such a person-needy cat as Kitty. When I am home it follows me around like a child; always underfoot,  or in my lap. When I bake it sits in a chair next to the table and watches me stir and mix. She's just curious and hardly ever attempts to taste. When I fold laundry she wants to snuggle into my freshly folded piles, or else bats at whatever it is I am folding. When I am at the computer it jumps in my lap over and over and over, no matter how many times I put it down.  If am am outside, she stares out the window meowing to come out. If she is outside for too long, it sits and stares in the window at me meowing to come in! When she is happiest, she purrs and purrs and purrs, and snuggles, and rubs her head in your face. If I lay down, it is snuggling on my stomach or neck or legs, or else just above my head. sometimes she will lay right in front of my face, look in my eyes, and rest both of her paws on my cheek. It's kind of weird, like she is saying "I love you". I never knew a cat that knew how to "love". Dogs can "love", and horses can "love", but cats?? Kitty has chosen me to be her special human. More special that Frank, and even more special than Fia, who spoils her and gives Kitty ham or milk every time she meows. Just don't tell Kitty that I would still give her away most days. Like when she tears up my plants, or meows over and over and over at 5 in the morning. She isn't even a good hunter...yet.

Kitty fawns over house guests, and makes them feel welcome. Maybe a little too welcome... she begs for food from them, climbs in their suitcases while packing or unpacking, and loves to get whatever black item of clothing they just put on covered in white hair. She loves all people. If you come to visit our little house on the hill, I hope you like cats that like you back!

Barely time for Berries

I am supposed to have frozen away liters and liters of berries by now, but it hasn't happened! So much has gone on that has prevented my berry picking and our larder will not be quite full this winter ;) Thankfully we have had a warm August and it has given the blueberries and lingonberries an extended season! When I have the time (like the day before yesterday) I will go out and pick a few liters. I have barely a liter of lingonberries though, so I will probably go out and pick more today. When Laura Conover was here from the US, we took the boat to "Big Isand" (vs. Small Island which is not far from it) and picked Havtornbar (or Sea-Buckthorn berries). They are known as a miracle fruit, chock full of vitamin C and only found naturally growing in northern Europe and parts of Asia. In the US we have buckthorns, but not sea-buckthorns. They are a sunny orange berry that grows in tight clusters on thorny bushes. That means they are a literal pain to pick! Thankfully, because they are so strong, you do not need much! We have about 4 liters in our freezer, which will probably be enough for Frank and I.

Fia taught me how to make Fruit Soup yesterday with Havtornbar. It was a lot easier than I thought it would be! You simply put about a 3/4 cup of whole berries to 3 liters of water (you can use more or less berries depending on the fruit you use. Since we were using Havtornbar, which are quite potent, it requires less berries!) and bring it to boiling point. Before it starts bubbling, pull it off the burner and pour the water and berries through a strainer into a bowl. Mash the berries in the strainer until as much juice is out of them as you can get. Add sugar to taste (and more water if it is too strong). Pour the mixture back into the pot and bring to simmering point again. In a seperate bowl mix 4-8 tablespoons of potato starch with cold water. More starch = thicker soup. (Thick soup is actually called "kräm"... between a soup and a sauce and usually eaten cold) Slowly add potato starch mix to soup, stirring all the while, until it reaches your desired thickness. Do not let soup boil long as it diminishes the vitamins, and can also cause the soup to thin out! When it is done, let it cool a bit and add a sprinkle of whole berries. With Havtornsoppa/sea-buckthorn soup Fia usually puts sea-buckthorn berries, and/or chunks of bananas! With blueberry soup she usually adds some whole blueberries and raspberries. Enjoy this treat warm or cold with cream, over ice cream, or even in porridge!


 Update: I made some on my own using corn starch instead of potato starch. It came out ok, but the cornstarch leaves a hint of a starchy taste that the potato starch does not leave.

I made Frank's family's 'famous' bread all by myself yesterday, and it came out quite edible :) Usually I have Frank lend me a hand when it comes to how sticky the dough should be. It is a quite runny and sticky dough when compared to my mom's "just bread" recipe, and it is made into rolls so it can be a bit tricky! Frank will think I over floured the batch, but they were so sticky I am just glad they look and taste like bread! :D