You know that young married girl in church... the young one who just married a local guy. Have you asked her to come over? Have you invited her out shopping, or took a moment after church to just chat?
Sometimes you never know what someone might be going though until you have been in a similar situation. Normally I wouldn't talk about this because I would see it as a weakness. I would fear that someone else would point and say "she is not strong enough, she is lacking in something because she is not happy, she is not trying hard enough" But today I just need to write about it because I have no one else, except my poor husband who has heard it enough time already and can't do anything about it.
Most days I am great. I am happy. I see the world though rosier windowpanes. But some days, I feel like I just can't do it any more. I think everyone goes though those blue days, whether it just be hormones or lack of sleep, or just a down day in life.
Today I want to pack my bags, and fly somewhere, somewhere where I can be with a real true friend. Someone perhaps closer to my age who doesn't care that I speak English... someone who laughs at my dumb jokes... someone who I can be honest with and say "I have no money today, let's go home and eat" without feeling completely humiliated. Even better, someone who I don't have to pretend like I am "not in a shopping mood" while I watch them try all kinds of fun things on for hours and hours, because we are still a young married couple still trying to get on our own two feet and today new clothes isn't int he budget. I want a friend who I can tell them how disappointed I am that I am not pregnant yet, and will not think I am silly even if it has been only 5 months since I got married. Someone I can BE MYSELF with! (Oh, I miss being myself with other people besides those select few such Franks family, and Patrick and Miriam Hagman) But mostly I just want a friend. A friend who's house I can just drop by and walk in without knocking. A friend who will come by anytime she likes... to bake with, laugh with , talk with...
Mom, I know you say, I went out to find a friend, blah blah blah... sometimes there is no one to "be friends" with, because they don't hang out with you because you are married, and they are single. Sometimes you make friends, great ones, but they are married and years older than you with 10 kids and they can no longer relate to you in some things. Sometimes culture is such a huge player that you just don't understand each others mindset. Sometime they just have their own life and they can't see that you really just want to be friends.
I hope, after knowing this loneliness, I can better see when someone else just needs a friend! I hope I can know when to smile, laugh at their jokes, or just listen. I hope I can know how to ask questions that encourages friendship, rather than make them feel like I am just trying to be polite and I don't care!
Tomorrow, I will probably feel better. I will probably not feel so lonely, I will probably look at the world though rosy windowpanes again. But that doesn't been that longing for a female companion won't be there. I don't want anyone to "feel bad" for me, because I am probably doing enough feeling sorry for myself to cover it. But, I know I am not the only one out there... I just want other people to reach out and be a friend with someone who probably needs it!
There... I feel better already :)
*HUGS* to you Linnea!! Tearing up as I read your frustration:/ I soo understand your feelings, even though I never been in your exact situation. I wish I could fly over there and visit you now, chat and laugh. I think it's dumb that the "single crowd gals" won't hang out with a married girl. Seriously, why are girls so weird? Thank you for sharing your heart, Linnea. Love you! <3Tabitha
ReplyDeleteLinnea . . . I can relate to this more than you know. I know its not much of a comfort now as you are in the time . . . but in the years to come you will make a friend like that. My closest friends now are all girls like me who had "no one" when they moved here. As for the no pregnancy part! The pain you are going through with that is like none other and unless one goes through it they cannot understand. I do! unfortunately! Be thankful for Frank. Its a miracle Uncle Rick didnt throw me off the nearest bridge back then. Long distant hug and prayers going your way.
ReplyDeleteI think it is silly that unmarrieds can't hang out with marrieds. You need to be the one to make that one change. It does take time to break into a society no matter where it is. Kaisa is still adjusting although I will admit it is easier for her to come home and to call etc. I agree with Kathy God is giving you this time to "grow" with Frank. Love you! Auntie Sarah
ReplyDeleteLinnea I really know what you are talking about and I really wish that you feel free to come and visiting me...
ReplyDeleteI'm singel and I really wish I have a really good friend BUT I don't have soo far/// Hug Johanna
Extrangely didnt know how i ended here, finn karma probably, but hey Linnea! Hope you are great, Im Enrique From Mexico, somehow in someway i understand you, i feell the same sometime in m life but i hope things will get better, and i understand you sometimes is difficult to find a truly friend, i count them with the fingers of my hand, and sme fingers are left, wish i could be there to chat or somethin, even tough i did not know yo enough, that wouldnt care, this Mexican boy probably would make you laugh, trying to undersatdn you, and ill gave you some tacos to relax and enjoy.im not feeling bad, tough kinda help you, but hey, you have the door of my house open, and you can enter and take whatever you want, without a doubt! Friendship , for me is precious gift Linnea, it wouldnt took too much time to appreciate your friendship, i really wish that that you can overcome all the difficulties that are coming trough your way, some you might pass on your own, but when there are the ones that you cant, you have this hand of a friend, sorry for not couldnt attend your wedding, some day some time, i visit
ReplyDeletefinland. i hope so, well, sorry for this, i wish i could express in better english, but i hope i can help. Take care Linnea, sorry if a sound sxtrange toush, as you probable would expet a comment from me, tough i follow your publication...Well, if you need somethin, here i am, if there something i can help, a rcipe probably from Mexico for those Finn people.. Meanwhile, Enjoy and pray friend it helps alot, really....
Good bye for now.
Enrique, from Mexico